Andra's tumblr :D

As in the title of this post, getting up early in the morning is good. I’m not a morning person myself since I usually sleep late into the night and wake up late into the day also. But on rare occassions such as this day when I wake up early (5 am to be exact), I just realized again and again how I really love waking up in the morning.

As I am writing this, I’m currently sitting in bench in a park, a huge circular park, with a lot flowers surrounded by aesthetically pleasing palm trees. The air is good, nor cold, nor hot, with the sun just peeking through the clouds. it was a raining a little bit in the early morning, and I can smell the scent of wet ground and asphalt.

A nice cloudy morning with a fresh air and the scent of the rain in the grounds. Just stting here in a wooden bench park, silently gazing to the people passing while occasionally typing on my blackberry or reading an excerpt from the book I’m currently reading on my kindle.

Beautiful morning indeed. Now let’s go get some hot coffee to make this morning perfect :) 

Sudah malam, tapi tetap saja tak bisa tidur. Kenapa tak bisa tidur ? Bukan, bukan karena belum mengantuk. Mengantuk, tapi tak bisa tidur. Kadang berpikir hal itu karena sudah terbiasa tidur larut malam / dini hari. Tapi lebih banyak lebih karena terlalu excited.

Terlalu excited. Atau anxious. Belum menemukan padanan yang tepat dari kata itu dalam bahasa Indonesia. Anxious pada apa, itu pertanyaannya. Anxious pada masa depan dan masa lalu, bukan pada masa sekarang. Itu jawabannya. Kadang, lebih memikirkan tentang masa depan yang belum terjadi. Atau memikirikan tentang masa lalu yang sedang terjadi. Dan tidak memikirkan tentang masa sekarang, yang sedang terjadi.

Aneh ya, pusing memikirkan sesuatu yang belum pasti, padahal ada yang pasti-pasti saja yaitu sekarang. Terlalu takut akan masa depan karena masa lalu, dan karena ketakutan itu jadinya tidak mengindahkan masa sekarang sehingga membuat ketakutan yang ditakuti di masa depan menjadi kenyataan. Menghasilkan sebuah lingkaran yang tak pernah berakhir. Entah sudah putaran ke berapa sekarang. Break the cycle. Rasa takut adalah suatu sistem alarm yang bagus, tapi bukan berarti hal itu yang jadi pikiran utama. Hal yang penting adalah fokus kepada apa yang bisa lakukan sekarang, bukannya berfokus pada ketakutan tentang apa yang mungkin terjadi. Apa yang mungkin terjadi bisa positif atau negatif, dan manusia cenderung melihat sisi negatif. Dan seperti kata the secret, semakin dipikirkan semakin mungkin terjadi, maka terjadilah yang negatif.

This has to stop. Now. Think positive. Courage. The important is now. Do more, worry less. Just enjoy the ride :)

It’s almost three weeks on my post-op. There are many opinions on what part of an operation that’s the hardest. Some people say that it’s the beginning, because there’s fear of the operation itself. Some people say that it’s the operation itself, since that’s the day when your body get cutted and tinkered by the doctors. Some other people think that after the operation is the hardest. Personally, I agree with the last.

The one thing that I think made post-op is the hardest can be summed up as “expectation vs reality”. The patient think and expect that they can do their activities normally soon enough after the operation, while in reality they can’t. They think that way because they see that their operation wounds has closed, and they see that their body is already fine from the outside. However, the case isn’t that simple in operation. Aside from the external wounds that is visible to the naked eye, there’s also internal wounds, wounds that located deep within the body, hidden beneath layers of skin, fat, and mass. People tend to forget and think little of the internal wounds because they’re not visible, but these type of wounds is the most dangerous, because they’re dealing with the internal part of the body.

Having the external operation wounds closed and well doesn’t mean that the internal wounds already healed. Sometimes, it takes much longer for the internal wounds to be fully healed. And when the internal wounds haven’t healed, that’s also when the patient still can’t do their activities normally. So.. This where the expectations vs reality comes in. The patient expect that they can do their activities as usual while in reality they still need to take a rest. And while some people may take this as a blessing, for people that usually have many activities, this can be so infuriating.

There’s a lesson in this though. A kind of zen-like lesson where you have to take things slow. Live your life at the present, slowly, surely, and not in a rush. One step at a time. On the brightside, this means a lots and lots of sleep. And eat. Guess everything has it perks :)

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